Visiting my daughter and son-in-law

My daughter was married and moved to the US while I and my wife were still working in the Maldives.  Whenever they asked us to visit them we dutifully said “How could it be managed? We get 40 days annual leave and when we come home there are many  works are to be attended.   Worse, every year we return without having been able to complete many!”.

But finally, when we returned home and shed our NRI statuses (The people- especially bankers started smiling at me with a sneer differently from the broad welcoming smile they used to present me earlier!- our daughter’s and son-in-law’s invitation became irresistible.

I never knew that getting a US visa  would be this much harrowing and tormenting.  We lost our  peace of mind from day one when I started filling the visa application form.    I  checked the online application forms and learned about the supporting documents for them to consider  our visa  application I felt that it would never get through , if I applied!     My daughter and son in law said that they would manage all the visa application filing with the US embassy in Channai and we just needed to get our photographs ready, prepare for the great interview at the consulate, go to the consulate –not even late by a single minute!- attend the interview and come out victorious  flashing  the US visas stamped on our passports. 

My son in law said that he could send the visa applications direct to the US consulate  and send me  the ‘sponsor’s documents’ to be taken dutifully to the consulate at the time of the interview.   He said that once the application was filed the ‘interview call letter’ would be e mailed direct to us by the consulate.  I was so glad that a  great burden was removed from my shoulder!

Then onwards, I started visiting the consulates’ sight and some others which guided you on how to apply for the US visa, how to appear for the interview, questions that might be asked during the interview, how to answer those questions and so forth.   What I liked more was the instructional video of a ‘match stick person’ attending the interview!

I made hard copies of all these web pages , categorized them ( some of them I have already mentioned somewhere) and spiral bound them for  reference and rehearsal.   The ‘match stick person’s’ interview had been transferred to a CD  and played many times  for making us ‘mentally and physically prepared’ for the final interview.  

While the visa applications were being readied by my son in law, my  daughter started calling us over the phone persuading, threatening and sometimes  begging us to prepare thoroughly for the interview.

She  described the interview as one of the most testing interviews in which the interviewer would just drill into your mind with his eyes  and would find how genuine your answers were!

“ I think you are exaggerating. He may try to find out how truthful my answers are.  I don’t think he would be able to read my mind and what I indented to say originally.  He possibly can’t be that good at mind reading.”

“That they may not be able to I agree but by watching your face while you answer their question they will be able to know whether you are lying, or hiding the truth from them.” She was not ready to budge.

“So do you think that there is chance for the interviewer to suspect that I am a terrorist if my answers happen to be vague?” I was worried.

“They need not always. But there were occasions when applications were tuned down.   It is the interviewer’s decision to turn down any application and it cannot be questioned even by the courts in India.”  She reminded me.  She did a lot of research and prepared a long list of questions with answers and e-mailed the eleven pages to me.   She insisted that the answers must be exactly the same as given by her.  She reminded me of some of the  teachers who would give the answers and demand the pupils to answer them in the same way as given by him/her.  Example:

 “ He opened the door and slowly entered the house.  It was dark and there was no one inside.” Correct answer.

 ‘Opening the door he slowly entered the house.   It was dark inside and it was vacant.” Wrong answer.

She gave us three days to study them and said she would ask questions from it in the morning and evening till the date of the interview!   She started grilling us as she said so many a time pretending  to have  some work outside I escaped her grilling.   I think she guessed my ploy and deliberately detained me longer times when she caught hold of me on line.  She would ask:

“Why do you plan to visit the US?”

“My daughter and son in law are there”

“That is not the right answer.  Check my answer. It says “ I am interested in visiting places. Further my daughter and son in law are there.” Please don’t change the answers.”

“How many days do you plan to stay in the US?”

“ Six months.”

“ No. One hundred and eighty days.”

“Both mean the same!”

“But you better say as I have given on the answer sheet.   Appa, you are terribly clumsy and a slow learner.   But amma is okay and she has memorized all the answers I have sent.”

I felt she had taken sides with her mom to project that they were always right and I was always wrong.

One day I found the interview mail from the Us embassy Chennai in my in box.   Along with it was a page containing the instruction on when to attend, where to attend and how to attend plus other diplomatic instructions. 

When I informed my wife about it, she was overjoyed to hear the news and said, “ Now we have to start the second step. I am well prepared to attend the interview but sadly you are not. Can’t you at least start collecting the documents required by the consulate?” She always finds pleasure in accusing me of taking things very lightly.

  “I haven’t applied for a posting in the consulate but only for a visa.  They only would wish to check if I would only be a short time visitor and would never become an asylum seeker.” I replied.

Now the war cry had been made and I had to start cleaning my rifle!   All those days I had done nothing other than rarely turning the pages of  the booklets prepared by me and the ‘question and answer’ sheets sent by my daughter.   My wife was tired of  making  me a bit more serious about the great ‘interview’.   In the end I told her:

“I find it extremely difficult to remember the dates and numbers with decimals.   I myself have interviewed many in my career and know how to answer questions during an interview.”

“What will happen if you fail to answer the interviewer’s questions?”

“Why do you all exaggerate this consular interview as if it was going to decide my whole fate? He can’t sentence me for imprisonment. At the worst he could deny me the visa and nothing more than that.”

“You are right.   Anyway, I may get through but I am afraid that you will to feel sorry in the end.”

“If my visa is denied, there is absolutely no problem you can go to the US yourself.   Look, US visa has been denied to many great people not because they were terrorists but it was due to the clash of ideologies.   Anyway, I don’t think I need to have  an ideological clash with an embassy person.”

Apart from the thick list of questions and answers sent to me by mu daughter, my wife received a mail from her friend with some more probable questions and answers that might asked during the consular interview. Some of them were like this like this:

Q. “Do you think that in 29 years time India will become economically and militarily powerful than the US?”

A. “I don’ know.” (Your answers should not offend the prestige of any person or country! If you say ‘NO’ the interviewer will conclude that you are not patriotic –sometimes even as a traitor- and might feel that it would be dangerous to let such a person of suspicious character into their country! )

Q. What is the percentage the people in the US who do not have family health insurance?

A. 36.8978654323% (!)

Q. “Which country contributed the Statue of liberty to the US?

A. “France”.

The list ran to some four pages of question covering the geography, demography and history of the US.   I stopped reading , folded the sheets and handed them over to my wife saying “ These questions are likely to be asked when one goes for a citizenship awarding  interview.  As you don’t have a Green card, I don’t think you don’t need to worry about these kinds of questions.” I was sure my explanation didn’t convince her.  She went on memorizing them as well.

I browsed the web and found that I needed to keep ready fifteen documents for me twelve documents for my wife ready at the time of the interview other than the ‘sponsor’s document’ which had already been sent through courier to me.

I needed more than a week to ready the three sets of documents-  three big ‘flip in’ files were made ready.

During this time my uncle-mother’s younger brother- visiting us.   His daughter and son in law are settled in the US and he visits them once in two years.   He and his wife are considered to be well aware of the travel procedures to the US by all the members of our family.

I told him (by mistake!)  that I was going to attend an interview for visa at the US consulate.  The moment he heard it, he started doling out advises and instructions.

“There are three main aspects you need to concentrate on while attending the interview’ Do you know them?”

“No, I don’t”.  I humbly replied.

“1. Your appearance. 2. Your physical and mental preparation. 3. Your English”. He calmly started his instructions.

“Uncle, can you please explain further”. I showed my ignorance.

“ 1. Your appearance: You must be dressed formally. Remember to wear light coloured or striped shirts and light coloured  trousers. 2. Your physical and mental preparation:  a)The interviewer may ask you to produce ‘original’ certificates with regard to your  qualification, service, conduct, earnings, property … “ (the certificate list was exhaustive.) b) Answer only to what is asked and while answering be truthful and look confident  as the interviewer will be able to read your mind. (I wondered how my daughter and my uncle thought alike!)   3. Your English: Try to use American English.”

“I am not good at American English.   Further you know that I was a Cambridge English teacher in the Maldives and the I had to interact  with many visiting personalities form American universities and none of them found anything wrong with my English!” I pleaded.

“Remember those were just conversations different from interviews”. My uncle sounded serious.

“ I too have conducted some interviews to select teachers and I have never found that the interviewee’s English had nothing to do with their efficiency”.   But my uncle was not willing to accept my poor experience.

“I am not ready for an  argument with you.  Do you want to get through the interview or not?” he sounded insulted!

“Oh. Don’t be offended uncle. Please instruct me how I could make my English slightly American”?

“ Good.  There are many American versions for British English words and usages.   Anyway I will try to familiarize you with some words that are commonly used.   So now you are convinced. Okay?.”

“Yes.”

“Start the change from here.  Don’t say ‘yes’ say ‘okay.”

“OKAY, OKAY OKAY”  I repeated as if I were about to open a pirates treasure chest!

“ I always find you answering ‘ that’s good’.   Don’t say that , say ‘COOL’ like “ Is this your new car?! Waah! That’s COOL !!”

“Waah uncle I never thought learning American English would be so easy as eating biscuits”. I was overjoyed.

“Not biscuits –‘COOKIES.’

“Okay. Cool uncle.  British English ‘sucks’ American English is sooo easy as eating cookies and doughnuts”.

“ Uncle, now you look like an American English tutor in a university.”

“This subject + present simple form of the verb to refer to a state of being has become history in the US.   So, you should say “Uncle , now you are looking like an American English tutor in a university.”

‘Old habits die hard…. Anyway I will try.    Uncle, need I say ‘dying here too”?

My uncle should have felt that I was mocking him and he said reproachfully “Instead of trying to ridicule me, you better try to improve your American
English. Okay”?

I got convinced I would never be able to transform my English into American English but assured  my uncle that I would improve my American English  from the web- which I never did!!   My uncle was happy that he had been spared the burden of teaching a nut like me !