Interviews

Since returning home from the Maldives I have attended a few interviews in various schools after applying for the post of an English teacher. I will serialize them one by one.

It is an academically reputed school in Palakkad. I had been asked to be present in the school library ‘sharp’ by ten in the morning. But I did not know how to be so sharp and enter the library at (sharp) at exactly ten in the morning. Anyway, I decided not to be late and reached the school library by nine in the morning.

The interview was scheduled to be held in the Principal’s room next to the library. The principal’s room had a massive wooden door on which was screwed a blue plastic board on which was written ‘KEEP SILENCE’. The massive door, the writing, and the solemn and pensive peon standing in front of the door reminded me of the ‘Door of Heaven’.

The Heaven’s door keeper frowned at me as if I had broken his meditation when I enquired where the school library was. The door keeper signed me to follow him and led me through long corridors to the library. The door was opened and I was signed to get in and he walked away without responding to my “Thank you.”

Time was eleven and there were some fourteen people present in the library. Sometime later Heaven’s door keeper entered and announced that he was going to call the names of the people to be interviewed. One by one the names were called, the candidates flowed with reverence. In this way a name would be called, the person would follow the Heaven’s door keeper and would vanish!

In the same way, my name was called, I also followed the Heaven’s door keeper but tried to pick a conversation with him.

“It is very hot today” I started.

Heaven’s door keeper stared at me as if I had interrupted a holy sermon.

“Am I not allowed to talk here?” I was bent on breaking his silence.

Heaven’s door keeper shot an icy glance and put his forefinger across his lisps and said “SHHHHHH”.

By this time we had reached the Heaven’s door. The door keeper opened the door reverently and I was nearly pushed in who at this time was also was keenly studying the Heaven’s door keeper.

The ‘Heaven’ was brightly painted with a few bureaus (also massive) blocking the full view of the walls, with some enlarged photographs of the school events held during various years. In almost all the photographs was the principal giving shake hands to some dignitaries, awarding trophies or just sitting doing nothing.

There was still another massive wooden oval table presided by the Principal and two men andwomen were sitting in front of the principal. I was shown a chair by the oval edge of the table. I trundled it out, sat on it and smiled at the interviewers. (violation no.1)

“Good morning” I sounded polite.

“Yes shall we start the interview” They voiced in unison.

I was asked my name, qualification, experience etc. (may be to check my memory power!) and it was announced that I was going to be asked some questions to test my grammar knowledge. Before I could express any of my views on the necessity of learning grammar, questions were shot at me from different angles like:

“Change the sentence: “I was eating a banana” to past perfect continuous, Change the following second conditional sentence “If a lion came here, I would run away” to first conditional sentence, use a sentence of your own in the present to mean the future, and some more sentences about subordinate clauses, participles, gerunds and so on … I couldn’t answer some of their ‘grammar test questions’ and they were not definitely pleased.

“Excuse me sirs. In what way my knowledge of grammar will help you assess my teaching ability? ” I asked innocently (violation no.2) and continued “Here are copies of my articles published in various newspapers and magazines. I hope you will have time just to glance through them.”

A person with a reading glass perched dangerously over his nose looked at me sharply over the glasses and said:

“We don’t have time to glance through your writings now. If you leave them with us, perhaps we could go through them - seriously. Now to come to the point, I am of the view that grammar is the most important aspect of every language. Your knowledge of grammar decides your proficiency in a language – especially English”.

Instead of passively smiling I said rather assertively:

“I am sorry. I don’t agree with you. Knowledge of grammar has got nothing to do with ones’ command over the language. (violation no.3) Teaching of grammar as if it was a ‘serious subject’ is an old practice”.

“Then do you mean that grammar needn’t be taught?’

“No absolutely not. I only mean that teaching the pupils the four skills to read, speak, listen and write –practical learning - is more important and useful than teaching grammar most of the time which is highly boring and going to be of not much use to the learners. Modern schools ‘instruct’ grammar to the pupils in the functional form. When we say “The bus had left the stop before I could reach the stop” we don’t first think that past perfect tense is the correct tense to be used here and then frame the sentence; the tense and sentence come automatically. I made a short lecture. ( violation -no.4)

“I am sorry. I can’t agree with you. Your views are the modern radical views imported from the West which we don’t like to risk experimenting here.”

“It is a pity that a method that has been found practically successful in many countries should appear ‘radical’ to you. I hope there is no harm in going for a change if it will bring good results” (Repeated violation-no 4)

“Our system of learning English is the best in the world. As grammar is not taught in the UK as seriously as in India, there are a few writers there who can use the correct grammar. The writings of the present British writers are full of grammar mistakes. The person said this aloud and looked around at his colleagues for their approval.

Every one smiled knowingly and nodded.

“Alas! I again have to disagree with you! Do you mean that people like the great travel writer William Dalrymple, ‘The Hindu’ columnist Bill Kirkman and novelist Rupert Thompson have trouble with grammar! I am sorry to say that you seem to have forgotten the essential fact that English is their mother tongue”.

The interviewer had no answer. (repeated violation no.4)

“Sir, I am sure your mother tongue is Malayalam”.

He nodded.

“I am sure you can understand, speak, read, and write Malayalm.”

He again nodded firmly.

“Did you learn Malayalam grammar to acquire all these skills?

“No.”

“Then don’t you feel that one doesn’t necessarily need to learn English grammar to become communicative in that language” (violation no.5).

It was the end. The examiners exchanged glances and two of them discussed something in hushed voice and one of them announced:

“Well. No more questions. The interview is over. We will let you know our decision soon”.

I also vanished from there, and haven’t been informed of their decision even after two years!!!

¹I had earlier been informed of certain etiquettes to be observed while attending an interview in India by a senior person in the government service.

1. Don’t trundle the chair you might be asked to sit on. Let it be where it is. Squeeze into the little space between the table and the chair and then sit on it.! This action represents your civility (or servitude?) and obedience!

2. Don’t ask questions. Only answer. Be ingratiating!

3. The interviewers don’t want hear your views. Be short while answering them

4. Don’t ever corner an interviewer! If you do, you will be thrown out!

5. Accept the interviewer’s views. You must allow him/her to re- invent the wheel! Let them play smarter!